figure out . :)
10:30 p.m. - 10.07.2005
:) block tests over. :) i've been slacking my past few days away. :)
and i love this relaxing feeling. though at the back of mind the big A sits.
i can sense the tense atmosphere in class sometimes...cos i guess we all know there isn't much time left before we do our As.
angela came back last friday.:) i felt really happy to see her.:) wonder how i would have coped in her situation. but at least it was a new eperience. can't say it was a pleasant one for her. i think she hasn't really changed :) hha..:)
yay. :) i think i'm going to make a whole list of stuff to do after As.:) it realy helps with motivation.:)
ironyirony. irony of life. that's what london showedf this week. one moment they were rejoicing. the next there were stuck in a tragedy.
what can i say? i wasn't really terribly upset or anything. i wasn't shock somehow.maybe i'm immuned already? i'm not really sure. or, maybe i've come to accept all this as part of life. it's just normal. some people come, some people go. some go with nature's course, some go because of men themselves.we bomb and hurt our own fellow human beings. afterall, who do we have to blame? we came up with all these 'great' inventions. and we're now maybe suffering 'greatly' for all that we've invented.
it's something like cigarettes. invent it and then now we're trying to get people not to smoke. ironic.
i'm not sure if i'm immuned. or am i somehow stoic? haa...hm. i don't know why i don't feel sometimes....hm. it makes me feel like a cold-blooded animal. actually it's nothing wrong i guess. i'm SUPPOSED to feel sad, shock, anger? but i DON'T. i'm not sorry that i don't. i just don't feel that way.
but i can't really figure out why i'm rather 'no reaction' with regard to london blasts. hm..that means i'm rather stable(from a chem point of view).
ha.:)
charity comes in trends. now it's the cancer trend. i have refused to donate recently. i guess there are so many charity shows..so many flag days...sometimes i can't really figure out WHY i am donating. what's my motive of donating. is it because that poor person is standing there with a can not filled..? is it because i feel i have a duty to do so? etc...
i wonder whether i'm really helping. and for me...i tihnk there i some people worth helping..and some not worth helping.i'm not calling those charity hotlines. cos i think sometimes they recieve so much help and somehow other charity organisations get neglected. but then i wonder how am i going to even be able to figure out which organisations are the ones that REALLY need help.
maybe i should just donate to those organisations who stand out to ask for donations..with their little cans?:) ha. i really can't figure out. i need to figure this out. then i will start donating again.
but i definitely won't donate to those shows on tv. i cna't stand the whole packaging. there's so much emphasis on the prizes. and i don't know. it just doesn't feel right.
i just don't feel right donating. i used to call once for each show. quite long ago. and guess what. it was to support whoever's performance which had immense difficulty. yup.
hais. the charity show is on again. there they go....they emphasize on that car as the great prize first..before they go on to talk about supporting cancer patients. they're trying to reach a target..as if this is an examination...they've yet to reach their target..they say.
hais. it irks me. it doesn't feel right.
one day i will figure out.