die of thinking
6:53 p.m. - 14.03.2006

suddenly, i'm not so sure of where i'm heading..

"why don't u make use of what you've learnt?"

i took 3 sciences in sec school. but when i went to jc i chose to take only chemistry.

i took chinese all the way to jc. and yet, in uni, i'm not intending to major in it. or will i?

all about the rise of china and how it will be useful...and then.

if i do psychology in uni...i may end up in social work. and then i don't mind. but..

"how are you going to earn a living?"

she said. and i suddenly don't know if i'm doing the right thing.i think it's possible to earn a living...checked out the possible pay...or, am i just too naive?

haa..i'm going to try out for police force..my dream job..but if cannot...then..it's social services sector..or teaching? but got to try relief teaching..tried calling the schools but no good news..:P

i don't know. as i grow up..i realised that i'm struggling more and more to live with other's expectations and my own...

i doubt my decisions at times...because i know i don't really know much about real society...and how things truly are...i know i've been stuck in my own world of schooling...and ..of course..limited knowledge and insights...

so, i try to take every opinion of others into consideration. and then...there's a struggle to standby my own ideals and meet other's expectations.

however, i've got to make out the difference between mindsets and reality..sometimes, it's a mindset. sometimes it's reality. mindsets may not equal reality and reality may not be mindsets. soemtimes, mindsets can be reality.

hm. does that make sense?

ha. i really don't look forward to working life. it'll be a life of more worries..:P haa...

right now.let me dwell on. and think carefully of what courses to take.

i can still change my mind. right?

maybe. it would be easier if my interests lied in the sciences. law. business.accountancy

you know. those courses which get u good money supposedly. economics. those which people have a high respect for. the kind considered 'successful'.

but then. it isn't.

not everyone's going to go the same, 'easier' path,right?

i know. this is just the beginning. the beginning of all that is to come.

the beginning of all the struggles between my own ideals, beliefs, principles and those of society and people.

when i go out to work, it's going to be a real big struggle i believe.

when all is twarped and twisted. how do you stay true to yourself?

what if there wasn't much time to think...would i still be myself?

hais. thinking. again.

too much thinking. haa...

think i'll die of thinking if i took up philosiphy course.:P

hais

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